How’d ya like THEM apples?! Return of the mac… return of the snack! BOOM! (Kudos to Kate Reddick, Saffa, colleague and all round hero). She came up with that little gem of a title and she didn’t even know about my one night of fame (fame…. not stand – you can uncover your eyes now mum) with Mr Morrison (for gods sake… if you don’t know who Mark Morrison is then you won’t know the song and basically this is all wasted on you).

Read a good article this morning folks! Actually it wasn’t good. It was bloody awful but hey ho. Why was it awful? Well, firstly I only actually managed to read the title of the article over the shoulder of my fellow commuter. She didn’t seem to mind. But then she turned the page and I had to hunt around for another copy of the Metro so that I could get a photo of this article for you guys. Fortunately I was in luck! *tap tap on another shoulder* – “excuse me, sorry sorry, can you pass me that newspaper?? Thanks so much” IGNORE FOR REST OF JOURNEY. But success! Article was mine. Check this out….

Man alive! Scarier than the spider living in Erin’s bedroom! (jokes Erin, it’s in the sleeve of your jacket in the hall – mwah ha haaaa). Seriously though – how alarming is that? Fruit is healthy so why on earth are they saying we’d be better off eating Haribo?! Well – it’s like my Mum told me when I was little – “fruit juice is silly – I’d rather eat 5 apples”. Ha! Woman after my own heart. But there is truth in Mrs Mac’s words. It’s all well and good choosing healthy versions of fruit/veg but where do we draw the line? No one in their right mind would eat 5 apples on the trot but we will gulp down 250ml of juice without batting an eyelid.

I remember on a show called “Secret Eaters” – man I love that show – they covered vegetables in chocolate and tested it on the public to see if they preferred it. They didn’t. Shocker huh?! Why must we try and make everything taste sweet? Or add fat to it? You should have seen my face a few weeks back when I actually read the back cover of these:

Now a little game…. hands up who thinks these are just dried little cranberries? Well you are WRONG – dunce hat in the corner for you! And me! Look at this abomination!

GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!! There is more sugar than fruit! These are from Holland & Barrett – I tell you it was like finding my husband (fictional) in bed with another woman! I physically launched them into the bin. I realise this may seem extreme but hear me out. Food products in the health industry are scary things. Take for example cereal bars. A well known cereal bar actually has more calories and fat than a Mars Bar. Now to be fair, nutritionally it may be marginally better for you, but if you are trying to stay/get lean then these bad boys ain’t gonna’ help ya’.

(Quick intermission to shout out to the marathon runners and endurance training folks of the world – high sugar content can be very beneficial, I was taught this by the gospel guru. Why is it useful? Ask him!)

Back to the article now that my eyebrows have come back down to a reasonable level on my face. Sugar is often seen as the beelzebub (what a word!) of the nutritional world. With good reason for most part too, just look at those stats! It’s damn hard to maintain svelte and lean when these b******s are telling us their products are healthy! LIARS!

So – my favourite little following flock, step awaaaaaaaaay from the cereal bars. Burn your fruit roll ups and drown your dried cranberries with that “Innocent” smoothie. Rid yourself of this nonsense and follow me into a world of fruity, lean, proteiny substantial snacking. No more will we be enticed by these organic shrivelled agave syrup doused monstrosities. No no. We will have whole foods and we will have rockin’ bodies and we will say “no thanks!” to that sugar industry multi billion willion conglomeration….. (I fear I am going awry here with the use of the English language but it feels good).

SNACKS! What do we eat?! Loads! That’s what! Maybe not in quanitity but in terms of options there are loooooooads. My personal favourites? Dum dum dum dummmmmm (that’s meant to be a trumpet announcement type thing). Here’s some pictures with some friggin’ lovely little explanations….

All sweet snacks today I’m afraid but stop crying over there crisp lovers… I will come up with some other options for you salty seadogs asap.

As always, lots of love, big hugs all round now that my muscles have forgiven me…

C xxx

By the beard of Zeus! (Anchorman – hollaaaaaaaa) I am surprised I can even type this…

Ha!

Seriously though – I tried to take my shirt off (calm down in the back) after my run this morning and tears filled my eyes. My shoulders are broken. Or they may as well be. Who want’s to know why?! Or maybe that should be how?? Nobody? Well tough. I’m going to tell you anyway.

So – as we concluded yesterday, I did quite a bit of training over the bank holiday weekend. Good stuff! Smuggysmug! Not really, I have to do a lot of training or I’ll be laughed off the course in Wales come September. Following my mammoth bike ride and S&C (that’s Strength & Conditioning folks) session on Monday I woke up with the fear of God embedded in my stomach yesterday morning. Tuuuuesday traaaaining wiiiiiiith Fraaaaan *lightening bolts and thunder breaks* – dum dum dummmmmmmmmmm. Fran is my Ironman coach. We met him a few “blogs” ago. Remember? Well he is ex special forces. ‘Nuff said. I got to the session and warmed up, nice ten minute row, lovely! Feeling ok we started the session. Now remember, my body was already screaming in pain so just imagine how much worse this was….

• 30 Burpees
• 30 Press ups
• 30 Medicine ball oblique twists
• 30 pull ups (ha – assisted with a band, I’m not Rambo)
• 30 20kg Kettle bell swings
• 120 Lunges
• 30 Jack knifes (feet raised on swiss ball)
• 30 Rolling planks (fore arms raised on swiss ball)
• 30 Shoulder press – starting with 10kg and progressing to 15kg where my left shoulder turned to mashed potato

Not bad huh?! WRONG. It was hell on earth. However, I went home with a big smile on my face. I’m not sure if I have gone into detail about my training “journey” (shovel list) but basically let’s cut a really long story short and say I started training when I was 13, I was the standard cross trainer and cardio devotee, faffed around in the gym with cable machines and namby pamby sit ups for 11 years and started training PROPERLY in March 2014. So, March last year. Can’t do more than 5 real press ups. Can’t do any form of chin up or pull up. Can’t leg press/squat more than 70kg.

Fast forward to this weekend just passed and I leg pressed 115kg. Now if you are not familiar with weights let me break this down into really easy lingo for you. Firstly, and most importantly, 115kg is really really heavy. Jokes. But it’s my personal best! If you consider I am 5ft 7″ and weigh around 68kg (that’s around 10st 6lbs – yes really, this is what happens when you stop focusing on weight, you don’t care about the numbers and instead you care about the strength and fitness and jeans fitting level) – so, that’s how much I weigh and that means I am not a million miles away from leg pressing double my own body weight. High five! Anyway, breaking weights into understandable lingo. When you see a workout set up like this:

• 3 sets 10 x 12kg overhead press
• 3 sets pyramid scheme 10 x squat

etc etc etc……… that’s not very easy on the eye. So let’s make it easy.

1. A set is just how many times you will perform this movement. You rest between “sets”. So for example. You will do 3 “sets” of 10 press ups. That means you will do 30 in total. Got it?

2. Reps – short for repetitions (you knew that right?). If you are doing 3 sets of 10 reps you are doing 10 press ups followed by a break, followed by 10 press ups, followed by a break, followed by 10 press ups. Kapeesh?

Now – don’t be confused or overwhelmed by stuff. Keep it real simple. I am a massive fan of body weight training. You will be amazed at the satisfaction you can gain from progression. Can’t do 5 press ups (I’m talking full press ups – with your toes on the floor)? Then start doing them on your knees and KEEP DOING THEM. We call this progress. It feels bloody great. Keep it old school. Learn how to do press ups, plank, dips, chin ups, pull ups. Don’t know how to do them? Get a trainer. Can’t afford a trainer? Email Urban Energie. £11 a week. Food and training. Lean body in a matter of months.(http://www.urbanenergie.com/)

Not a sales pitch. Just passing on the wisdom.

………….and if you REALLY want some inspiration. You know Demi Moore? Seen GI Jane? LAUGH IT UP BOYS. That chick trained her ass off for that part. I know this because I damn well googled it! (http://www.popworkouts.com/demi-moore-workout-gi-jane/)

So…. how do you do a press up. Easy. Think a plank, on your hands and toes, straight body, pull your belly button into your spine, dip from the chest NOT the hips. Lower to a 90 degree angle on your elbows, press back up. Kate (colleague) want’s me to do a Vlog. A what? A bloody video blog. No thanks. However, I did get the lovely Andy to film me doing body weight tricep dips on Monday. My facial expressions mean I will be refilming this at some stage. Ha. Vanity rocks. So – press ups and dips. I’ll get some filmed and get them on Instagram. For now, here is a still of me doing body weight dips. Don’t you dare laugh…..

As always, much lov – ow, no, get off me, my body is too sore.

C xxxx

Do you know how much time I have spent thinking about what to call this piece/written word/ramble? Loads. Like if you were in my head you would think “jeez it really doesn’t matter, call it bank holiday weekend, nobody cares”. Well I care! I care a lot! So, I settled on The Good Life. Because that is what this weekend was. I am a country girl at heart and I couldn’t have picked a better weekend away.

Now then, who follows me on Instagram? Tsk tsk. Not very many of you. Go and add me (not you Mum, you’ll just give me grief for taking photos of my stomach, also shut up Matt, I know there are lots of them, it makes me happy – I worked hard for those shadows). Everyone else though – catmac1987. If you follow me you will know ALL about my bank holiday weekend. Capital B for Bank? No idea. Moving on! AMAZING WEEKEND! I have essentially done nothing but eat, drink and be super super merry for the past 4 days. Tralala. So, let’s sum up my weekend. Friday night was dinner with mother, sister, sister’s boyfriend (totally not bitter that my younger sister is in fact in a steady relationship, they even live together, oh wait, another match on Tinder! No I don’t fancy him. Dammit). Saturday morning I got up at, wait for it, FIVE AM. Urgh! I had an hour of bike training to do and actually it was bloody marvelous. 5 laps of Regents park (roughly 15 miles, not much really but I rode quite fast – wheeee!). If you ride then I thoroughly recommend you get up at 5am and do this. The ring road of the park is closed to death taxis and all manner of killing machine vehicles until 7am! Whole road to myself! Then it was a train to Axminster (aka Devon. Or is it Dorset? Somerset? Whatever – A level geography still reigning supreme here). Off the train, huffy at the taxi for being late but finally made it to ——– RIVER COTTAGE! If you don’t know who Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall is then you may as well switch channels right now. We are not going to be friends.

So, crikey, I don’t even know where to start! Let’s do a rambling list! Cider, vegetarian food (surprisingly amazing), cider, squealing when I saw Hugh, marveling at the meadows, ice cream, getting over excited by little foodie stalls, buying everything (aka Dad buying me everything #legend), Pimms cocktails (nettle stinger – I will explain), getting my book signed by Hugh, smiling so much my face hurt, learning about foraging (dammit I’m cool), getting over excited by the animals, trying to persuade Dad to buy a land rover, getting over excited by Mark Hix giving a cooking demo, another cider, frantically trying to remember everything to write in this, TAXI!, shouting “BYE!!!” to Hugh when I saw him driving away in his car, going to a pub, walking to the sea, going back to the pub, eating fish and chips, going to bed. DONE.

Right! Now let’s get to the important stuff. Bank holidays are great aren’t they. Extra day off work. Free reign to eat and drink whatever you like. Lovely! I even rounded my weekend off with enough sushi to kill a man and the night before that I shared half a cow (ok ok it was 1kg of Cote de Boeuf) with my sister at the rather lovely Bull & Last pub in North London (more to come on this in another “blog” entry) HOWEVER. Heed warning my fellow fittie foodies. I have succumbed on many an occasion to throwing caution to the wind and essentially consuming all and sundry because I’ve trained hard during the week and I’ve eaten a bloody healthy diet day after day and therefore think a few days of gluttony will be well deserved. The result? Extreme Monday morning (or in the case of a bank holiday – Tuesday morning) feelings of regret and disappointment that my extremely modest abs are now hiding for the foreseen future. If you too are no stranger to these feelings then fret not. I believe this weekend I cracked it! I am very much a black and white, yes or no, all or nothing sort of girl. As a result if I am going to have chips with dinner that means I’m drinking half a bottle of wine, having a starter and having ice cream for desert as well. May as well go all out. BAD BAD BAD. Not the food. The food is great! Embrace it! But the thought process is ridiculous. Instead, this weekend, I think, THINK, I managed to break this cycle on a small scale.

This was mainly down to my Saturday morning 5am training. No not because it burned loads of calories. But I went out and trained even though I knew I was going to be indulging all day. I enjoyed my three pints of cider (I rarely drink, this was the equivalent of a half pint of moonshine to me), my pimms cocktail and my G&T (slimline – let’s not go too mental). I enjoyed my food and I had a bloody marvelous time. I’ve been the girl that won’t touch anything unless I can log it in MFP (myfitnesspal – actually a very good app), the girl that doesn’t touch a drop of alcohol. It’s grand. My body was pretty rad. However, I seem to be learning that we can, theoretically, do both.

Let me break this down a little more before I lose you to Facebook stalking your ex or the Daily Mail. In order to avoid the post weekend binge guilt I took the following steps:

• I ate a normal sized portion of whatever I fancied. I left most of the chips on my fish and chips because I was full. I always clear my plate. This was progress.
• I had normal amounts of alcohol (I was with my parents – they are not so big on the jagerbombs)
• I trained BLOODY hard. An hour on Saturday morning, an hour and a half of weights and cardio on Sunday afternoon, a two and a half hour bike session yesterday and then an hour of weights in the afternoon.
• When I wasn’t indulging I ate good real food. Oats to fuel my training yesterday, fruit, lots of water etc

Ok. Comprende? Good.

Maggie (my sister) wanted pictures. Here’s a billion.

Happy 4 day week folks.

C xx

Greetings fellow worker bees, I trust you have all had truly tremendous weeks commuting, writing emails and generally living the dream? Yes? ME TOO.

I have been absent for a full 48 hours again, disgraceful. On the plus side my mother is in town and even SHE likes my “blog”. Well that’s that then. No getting away from me now. Mrs Mac likes the writing so more writing will prevail.

Speaking of mother Macpherson – many of you will already be aware that she was in Nepal when the earthquakes struck. Fortunately she was safe and is now home and well. Not only is she home and well but she brought preseeeeeeeeeents! I bloody love presents. Especially now we have it down to a fine art and mum just asks me what I actually want brought back. This years shopping list consisted of the following: a new scarf (they are super soft) and some incense. Incense? Yes – I am wholeheartedly embracing the other side of training and I am going to namaste my way to enlightenment. Perhaps not. BUT – if you haven’t tried yoga, of any form, try it. Especially if you are a bit “all busy up in your head” like I tend to be. It is most beneficial. Plus it stretches your body out reeeeeeal nice. Just don’t feel too sad when you fall off your blocks and the guy doing full lotus next to you laughs. (Didn’t happen. Honest).

Not only did mother bring back the requested scarf and incense (three packs!) but she also brought me some BLACK Himalayan salt (wowsers! I will try some and get back to you), some saffron, a little clay incense holder and a shawl (the shawl was actually a gift from the lovely Kumar, mums trekking guide, I am trying to raise some $$$ to help support his village whilst they try and rebuild their lives – if you wish to donate drop a comment and I will send you the details).

Did you know Himalayan salt is the closest naturally derived salt to your bodies sweat? What I mean is, electrolytes. Yes? Know what I am talking about? We will keep it simple. You go for a run (other forms of training are available), you sweat until it’s pouring off your arms, you go home, you shower, you eat, you drink a lot of water. Very good! However, all that sweat was also an awful lot of salt. We need to replace this salt. This is where pink Himalayan salt comes in handy. A pinch into your water with a big squeeze of lemon juice and your body will be cheering. I am also a big fan of coconut water. This tropical beverage is jam packed with naturally occurring electrolytes and also simple sugars so when you are training hard (which you obviously are – very good, high five) then the carbohydrates and electrolytes are pre-mixed in a coconutty watery cocktail of genius! I get my coconut products from Coconut Merchant (https://coconut-merchant.com/). These guys are amazing. No nasty guff added in. Just 100% organic coconut lush. Get involved.

I must have been scoring heavily on the daughter points recently as I got MORE presents. This time in the form of Maclean’s Oatcakes. I do not expect you to have a clue about Maclean’s but essentially they are a little bakery in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. We have a holiday house there (North Uist – potential training and eating camp there next year maybe?). It is essentially water, beaches, sheep and a few houses. Bliss. I digress! Oatcakes! These little beauts are awesome. Oh my god carbs! GAH! Shattaaaapppp… We love them. I get the little canape style ones and they are perfectly sized for smushing avocado into the hollow and then squashing a bit of chicken or smoked salmon on top. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Oatcakes are awesome. They are also portable. No crisps in my bag thanks very much. Sometime last year I asked mum to bring me back a whole box of these winners on her return from the islands. Clearly there was some miscommunication here – she brought me back a box. ONE LONE BOX. I wanted an entire case mother! Jeez! But THIS TIME – we struck gold. 8 whole boxes. Marvelous .

So – Friday again. I am off to River Cottage tomorrow to hang out with Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and his good life farmer chums. I’ll take a ton of photos and show you what I ate. Won’t that be interesting! On Sunday I have a two hour bike ride. My Ironman coach doesn’t believe I can do 70km in two hours. Well – my Garmin 910xt is charged and my tyres are pumped to bursting. Bring it on Regents Park (taxis you stay away – I don’t need you trying to kill me again….)

Some pictures! To keep wee Maggie Mac (my sister – say hello Maggie!) happy…. “your blog is great but you need more pictures..”

Much love, namaste, omni padne – zennnnnnnnnnnnn

C xx

    

A gold star to the person that can name that quote… Nobody? Really? I got the same reaction when I blurted it out in the park on Saturday afternoon with Erin (in case you don’t know – Erin is my flatmate or “roommate” as she calls me – she is American, not her fault, ONLY JOKING! Don’t put spiders in my bed) There we all were sitting in the sun, Erin and her man and her (highly amusing) friend sipping wine whilst I drank….. sugar-free lemonade… I am such a saddo. To be fair though I had just done a two hour training session on the bike and was feeling rather parched AND I did have wine later so don’t start rolling your eyes at me just yet. Anyway, I’m not entirely sure how we came to discuss it but I randomly blurted out “this danish is pure protein” – which, for those of you not in the know, is a quote frooooom…….. DIRTY DANCING. Boys! Wait! You will like this post I promise.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that danish pastries are NOT pure protein. They are in fact wobbly tummies and dimply thighs covered in icing sugar. Sorry to be so nasty. I am only being honest. I was walking to work this morning (……I won’t say anything) and every morning I walk past the back entrance (snigger) of a Tesco. They obviously “bake” their croissants on a morning at around 7am because the smell filling this particular street is enough to make you want to lick the air. It’s unreal. Butter. Get. In. My. Mouth. No Cat! Think of the lean body! You do not want that warm, melty, flaky, tasty……… STOP IT. Do you know what goes into a croissant? This is really upsetting so look away if you are squeamish. The pastry….. is 50% dough…. and —- 50% BUTTER. My face currently is similar to Edvard Munch’s ‘Scream’ masterpiece (or for you modern folk – think the emoji in whatsapp that has a little blue face with two hands either side of its screaming mouth). That little french delicacie is around 400kcals and 20g of fat. Kill me now. I hate you monsieur.

Urgh…. why must all super tasty things make us look like Jabba? It’s not fair. But wait! What’s that?! Cake that is GOOD for the lean body. Oh my gaaaaaaaad. Amazeballs. Totes amazeballs. Amazesmalls. Calls. Shut up Cat.

PROOOOTEEEIIIIN CAAAAAKE (announced in the same way they announce a boxer entering the ring – I’m down with aggressive sport like that). So, we have two variations. A chocolate version – and a berry version. Personally I am obsessed with the berry version, I think this is due to the fact I am yet to perfect an exact replica for a chocolate brownie that enhances the abs rather than disguising them. However, for now, these ain’t bad.

Now don’t go spazzing out on me because these contain protein powder. Protein powder isn’t scary. Honestly. If you want the exact same nutritional values as listed in my recipes then use the exact same products. I have made it idiot proof – are you an idiot? No. So stop being scared. The cakes use protein powder as a bulking agent, ergo, they are not a billion calories from processed white flour. A word of warning though. These do not come out like Mary Berry’s Victoria sponge. They can be rather ugly brutes. But who cares! Get them baked, sliced up, in the fridge, take to work, 4pm coffee or tea, slice of cake – WIN.

Instead of listing them all out I have attached them as images. If they are not clear or anyone has any questions then you know how it works. Drop me a message on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram (social media hoor) and I will talk you through it. Prior to baking it is easiest to buy an electric whisk (£4.99 in Argos), a set of electric scales (£14.99 for Salter, i.e. good brand, in Argos) and some silicone bakeware (eBay or Amazon or Groupon). If you do not wish to purchase these then just get ready to work the arms with a regular whisk, line a regular tin with greaseproof paper and completely balls up your recipe by guesstimating the amounts. Ha. (You need scales folks).

Note the calories on my recipes….. teeny tiny. Just like your body fat percentage will be (maybe – if you stick to it). How delightful!

So – idiot proof guides, no idiots here — LET’S BAKE.

C xx

Cheese jokes! First thing on a Monday! Hollaaa!

(That joke occurred to me on my walk to work this morning – yes WALK, stomp stomp – you should have seen how pleased I was with myself. Pisa! Cheese(ah)! Hahahaha….. urgh)

No “blogging” over the weekend – very very bad. BUT also very very good as my weekend was full of extravagant successes! (Success? Successes? Meh) I’ve really got to get this exaggerating under control. But there WERE some successes – mainly – riding my bike with noooo haaaaands! This has absolutely zero impact on my speed or strength over distance but it makes me look cooool when I stop at the red light on the Regents Park ring road. Take THAT Islington cycle club – you may be wearing matching lycra and going twice as fast as me but I can ride with no hands, therefore I win. (It doesn’t make me look cool, I most likely look average. I don’t care. I FEEL cool. Cooler than when Erin tried to teach my tumble… sorry sorry… FLIP turns yesterday in the pool. Ridiculous. I am sure I used to be awesome at somersaults in the water when I was little?!)

So I better talk about this leaning tower I guess. I really did make one, look look! Picture below! WHAT a saddo. Made me chuckle though. You should have seen me trying to get the gradient just right – trickier than it looks folks! I have just had another amazing joke pop into my head whilst writing this though – I should have said “cheeeese” when taking the photo.

…..I’ll get my coat

Moving on! Cheese. Cheese makes us fat. Booooo. But cheese tastes amazing. Yaaaaay! So how do we strike a balance? Think strong. No not mentally “just say no” strong. I mean flavour and smell strong. The stiltons, extra mature cheddars and parmesans of the world are our friends. Why? Well because you only need a little bit to make things taste friggin’ awesome. Case in point: Blue cheese dip. Drool. Think chicken wings (baked, love – we don’t need no KFC here), think toasted pitta (post sweating/training/working out), think vegetable sticks (not as good as chicken but still not bad), think using as a salad dressing, think mixing into mashed up cauliflower. This stuff is gooood. And if you can’t make it then you need to have a word with yourself. Now, be smart about this, you can’t go launching an entire block of stilton into this and think you’re being cunning. You’re not. You’re kidding yourself. Learn what 50g of stilton looks like – because it has around 200 calories and around 16g of fat. Now smush it up with a fork and mix it into a 170g tub of 0% Total Greek yoghurt, now very thinly slice a spring onion, maybe half a spring onion depending on your oniony tolerance and mix that in. Little bit of salt. Little bit of pepper. VOILA! Cheese delight! This entire tub of glory has around 300 calories, which, if you ask me, is pretty damn awesome given you can do loads with it and provided you don’t eat it morning noon and night (maybe best to only eat half – ergo half the calories), it won’t make us fat! Hurrah!

I won’t start writing lines and lines of cheese recipes but I do have a few up my sleeve so if you are really interested then I will do you a deal. Share my blog with people you think will like it, shoot me a message in the comments below and I will dedicate more tap tapping on my keyboard to the marvelous world of dairy. (FYI – I’ve had people reading this in Costa Rica and St Lucia! Whoever you are – hiya!)

I still haven’t got to the main point though! Quark! My leaning tower of protein and calcium dense magic! Seriously though, I need some kind of Quark Addict Anonymous group. Oooooh there’s definitely room for a QUACK type support group name in there. Anyway, quark, the definition is as follows: “Quark is a type of fresh dairy product, common for the cuisines of German-speaking countries, northern Europe, the Netherlands, Hungary, Israel, of Slavic peoples, and of Ashkenazi Jews” – yeah yeah whatever. Nobody cares where it’s from. The point is, it’s a bit like cream cheese crossed with Greek yoghurt? Just get on it, trust me. I get mine from Waitrose (other supermarkets nation wide are stockists – just to prove I’m not a Waitrose snob). It is £1 a tub. I buy 6 at a time. Waitrose chappy on checkout definitely thinks I’m weird. It has next to zero fat, around 20g of protein in a tub (you want protein with every meal – want to know why? Ask Jack), is ridiculously versatile and for greedy folks like moi, you get a decent serving in a tub. Kicking goals left right and centre. Eat it with the Chia Seed Jam (want the recipe? Same deal as the cheeeese recipes), eat it with fruit, nuts, honey, peanut butter. Use it in savoury stuff. Spread it on crackers. Use it as a sauce. Too. Many. Options. I eat it every day. So it must be good – haaaaa – only joking.

So, all in all, eating cheese can be easy…..cheesy?

I’m going now.

Happy Monday! Look at that work of engineering!

C xx

Friday – everyone makes a massive deal about Fridays don’t they? I raise my hand and admit that for the sake of a social media “hashtag” (ooooh instagram!!! Squeal! HASHTAG! – kill me now) I will throw in a “Friday feeling” or whatever now and again but in reality when Cadburys stopped screaming “I’m so excited” about their Crunchie Friday Feeling I stopped having much interest in “oh my god it’s Friiiiiiiday” stuff. Also it’s nearly 10pm and I am writing this – that sums up how hard I am partying. In reality I am typing this with one hand on my iiiiiiphone (posh accent) whilst simultaneously launching a ping pong ball into a red cup filled with Fosters. SCORE.

……not strictly true

However the lack of Friday night beer pong hasn’t prevented this week from being awesome. I laughed so much at work one day someone shooshed me. They soon regretted it when I looked up from snorting quark (wait till I show you my masterpiece with this stuff… in the meantime for future reference – quark is like a cross between greek yoghurt and cream cheese – no fat, boatloads of protein – immense) out of my nose and scowled at them. Death stare to the face. Have some of that. I will not be shooshed. This text message is very funny. Pipe down over there. Anyway, I met my lovely friend Tali today. Remember Tali? My osteopath? Well we went for lunch in Clapham (roasted cod with lentils and pesto and some kind of “wilted”green – the waitress also wilted when I death stared her for taking too long to bring my food over. It’s been 9 minutes! Hurry up!). After a surprisingly lush (gah! more Geordie! SQUASH IT DOWN! I AM IN THE SOUTH!) lunch where I only stole 7, no wait…. 9 – ok ok probably closer to 23 – of Tali’s chips, we decided it was imperative we go and get ice cream from the snazzy place along the road.

Ice cream is naughty. Isn’t it? Ooooooh so naughty. Cat you’re so naughty. How can you eat that and blog(shovel list) about being healthy? Oh take your bee pollen (that’s a thing now – it’s rank) and your spirulina and jog on you nerd. Ice cream isn’t naughty. It’s frozen dairy with built in happiness of the mouth. Ice cream 6 days a week is pretty bad I admit, but ice cream on a Friday (hashtag Friday! squeal!) isn’t naughty. Especially when you went to the gym in the morning and trained so hard you had sweat dripping off your face onto your clenched fists whilst planking the bench to death (try it, it’s nails, put your toes on a raised surface, your forearms on the floor and if you’re really brave lift one foot up whilst keeping your hips level – does that make any sense? If not I was challenged today to provide video proof that I can do unassisted tricep dips, may as well throw in some weird planking too)

Don’t be that girl going into work on Monday and whining that you were so naaaaughty all weekend. Toughen up chica. The hardest part for me, even now, is self restraint. Basically because I don’t have it. However, if you are able to practice some form of level headedness (crikey the english language is taking a real battering today isn’t it – headedness I ask you). S-E-L-F-C-O-N-T-R-O-L. Much better. Don’t smash the biscuits and the wine all week. THAT is pretty naughty. (ooh you bad thing). Instead, try and keep it simple. Get your food prepped for work. Get the tupperware in the dishwasher and get your breakfast and lunch sorted for work. Don’t even try and tell me you don’t have time. I will literally time how long it takes to cook some chicken and chop some salad stuff and throw it in a tub. Do that on Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday aaaaand then on Friday have an ice cream. Or if you want ripped abs don’t. Whatever.

Am I being too harsh here? Maybe…. to be honest, at the end of the day it comes down to what you want I guess. I overheard a girl the other day saying “yeah so I’m starting this whole new diet… I’ve been told that all my meals should be about meat, fish, veg and fruit… so like basically, even my breakfasts… I knowwww – my whole life is about to change”

………you can imagine my reaction.

If you want to be leaner (we do not do lighter – scales are the work of the devil in my eyes), stronger, look better in your selfies (o.m.g. hashtag selfiiiieeeee!!!) then it’s time to wake up and smell the bacon (meat? for breakfast?!!? MENTAL). Truthfully? It’s not nearly as hard or as scary as you think. Hold my haaaaaand and we can venture into a world of laughing until we are shooshed and rocking our ‘bans and bikinis in the park 365 days a year (who the bloody hell wears a bikini in the park – they need to have a word with themselves)

To finish, I hope I didn’t put a downer on your weekend. Here’s a picture of my ice cream. It was white chocolate and nutella.

FRRRIIIIIIIDDDAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY…………… (I heart weekends)

C xx

I’ll tell you how many… 61,200 – that’s how many. Big number huh? For whatever reason though this seems marginally less horrendous than 17 hours. 17 hours what? Ironman 140.6. 140.6? That’s 140.6 miles in total – swimming 2.4 miles, riding 112 miles and then running 26.2 miles. One after another – no breaks – “Santa Clause doesn’t give any breeeeeaks” (If you haven’t seen the rather epic movie ‘Welcome To The Jungle’ you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about, watch it, it has Dwayne Johnson. Who? THE ROCK #pow)

Seeing as this “blog” (laaaaaame I feel like some kind of modern day hipster “oh yar I totally blog y’know”) is aimed at addressing both my training (fuelling) and eating (foodie) tendencies it seemed wise to discuss my current, somewhat ambitious, challenge. To be fair, most of you, unless you have managed to escape my Facebook/Instagram/Email/Whatsapp barrage of pleas for support – will already be aware that I am competing (PAH! If competing equals trying not to die then yes, I am competing) in the 2015 Wales Ironman 140.6.

Some of you are probably already scan reading this because it’s boooooooooooring. Well it’s NOT boring. Watch and I will prove it to you. Starting with some bullet points! We like bullet points…..

1. Ironman events are ridiculous. Fact. More to follow on this…..

2. Towards the end of last year I had never run a marathon, never ridden a road bike and couldn’t swim more than 50m without choking on chlorine/nearly drowning

3. I started training 6 months ago – it has been very up and down. More to follow on this also….

Ok, first things first, why did I decide to do this? This is actually difficult to explain and I don’t want any violin quartets to start playing in the background so I will be blunt. I have never been the most confident lass (geordie creeping out – SQUASH IT BACK DOWN – that’s better), I finally started to feel more confident last year, I got stronger and faster in the gym and decided to push myself. Well, actually it is now becoming apparent I decided to push myself off a cliff but never mind. It was reading a friends Facebook status updates about his brother competing in an Ironman – he posted throughout the event with things like “he’s out of the water!”, “starting the bike!” and then eventually “He’s done it! He is an Ironman!”. Goosebump city. I was sitting thinking, well that’s just mental. Who the bloody hell could do that? And then, me being me, I thought about it more and thought “Imagine what that must feel like? Crossing that finish line?”. More shivers. More reading. More sheer amazement. Google google. Oh they have Ironmans in the UK. Bolton? Ew no thanks (no offence Bolton-ites). Wales! Oh yes we like Wales, very pretty…. click click. Read read. 13th September. Hmmm. Open purse. Credit card. Type type. OH MY BLOODY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE.

……signed up. Best part of £400 spent on the privilege. Shit. (sorry about the language, it’s necessary). Right well we better get cracking. What do I need? Oh, is that all? JUST ONE OF EVERY ITEM YOU CAN THINK OF FOR SWIMMING, BIKING AND RUNNING. Ok that’s fine. It’s an investment. Ignore the man in the bike shop staring at you like you’ve lost your mind because you’re signed up to one of the hardest races in the world and you don’t know how to clip your cleats into your pedals. It’s aaaaaaaaaall fine.

Fast forward 4 or 5 months of training, a hell of a lot of sickness, injury, exhaustion, tears, more tears, some sweat, actually make that loads of sweat and answering the question “oh my god – what made you sign up?!” a million times and we get to around the beginning of April. Enter Fran, Rhys and Bruce – oh and Jack, but he’s always there, nice boy.

Fran = Ironman Coach, ex special forces, spanish accented superhero, makes me lift stupid heavy weights and writes my daily training schedule

Rhys = Physio, first time 140.6 Ironman’er and general magician when it comes to injury

Bruce – Bike wizard, 3D bike fitting specialist and boss at Velosport

(Jack – Nutritional Guru and six pack sporting best friend)

These three (four) chaps are now my team for Wales. Without them I would be injured, weak, over training, under eating, riding my bike wrong and just LOST.

I don’t want to get boring on people and start selling services, that is not the point of this “blog” (can someone find me a new phrase please?). What I want to do is make it clear how important these people are to me. Their knowledge, skills and support are what will get me over the finish line.

…….bloody hell. I better get over the finish line.

Rhys told me the other night he wants me to encourage more females into the world of terrifying sport. Ok he didn’t say that. But he did say I was a “positive influence”. Nice huh?! If that is true and this little flow of thought has made you think about doing something then DO IT. Tweet me (waaaa I am a tweeting twittering twitter’er now! @catmacpherson), Facebook me, Instagram me – whatever. That’s a ton of social media, I feel dirty, I hate those 2k15 hashtagging loons but needs must.

Really though, do it – I dare you… I DOUBLE dare you….

…………Follow me on twitter. Please? Do I sound desperate? Oh.

C xx

Bloody hell I’m tired today… and I’ve got requests coming at me for blog posts left, right and centre. Maybe we should cast a vote? The current requested topics are as follows:

1. Cheese

2. How to go to sleep at night

3. Vegetarian food that doesn’t involve aubergine (sorry sorry – EGGPLANT – pfft) or olives

4. My Ironman training/coaching

Look guys, we’ve got more important things to discuss ok? Like what I had for lunch today. If I don’t write about this now then I will lose my train of thought and all hell will break loose in my OCD mind. “No no wait a minute brain, that was a good idea! Hold onto it! DAMMIT! It’s gone….. sigh….. ok – let’s write about bacon”. Amazingly though, I have managed to hold onto this idea for bloggy (what a word) aaaaall afternoon. Here we go…

Drumrolllllll….. EATING OUT!!

What…a….minefield. Especially if you live in London, well actually it’s probably easier here because everyone is so bloody rude you can just scream at the waiter that you don’t want the croutons on your salad and they will just go to the kitchen, tell the chef you’re American and no one will bat an eye lid. I’m joking I’m joking. Calm down over there Mr and Mrs Yank.

Seriously though, I remember a while ago my lovely osteopath Tali (get used to me referencing osteopaths, physiotherapists, masseurs (not the rude kind), coaches, PT’s and so on by the way) – anyway, Tali, so, whilst ripping the ligaments off my right leg…. ok another exaggeration but ask a professional to strip your IT band and then come back to me. STICK TO THE POINT CAT! So she asked me “what should I eat when I go out with friends?”. Sounds like an obvious question right? So I replied “a grilled chicken breast and a side salad with no dressing”

…….as if. You’d have no mates to go out with if you carried on like that. It is tricky though. Essentially as a rule of thumb I have learnt the following. If you are training/exercising/sweating (sunbathing doesn’t count) that day then you should be including some form of carbohydrate. If you are lying in the park all day or sitting on your backside at work then you need very little carbohydrate. I AM NOT CONDONING LOW CARBOHYDRATE DIETS. For actual science and facts and figures please speak to the professionals – you know who he is.

So, what do I go for? Well today was a good example! This morning I walked the 4 miles to work (just let me polish my halo), then I got to the office and had my usual ‘prepped at home’ breakfast, usual coffee, usual mid morning snack (actually today I was a bit hyper for some reason and got really over excited picking up one almond in one hand and a green grape in the other and stuffing them into my mouth simultaneously like a monkey – coffee must have been extra strong today). 12:30 rolls around and I walk to meet my oldest friend – she’s not ACTUALLY old – I’ve just known her a long time. Let’s name her – Jessica Best – take a bow! She’s East London, bah, she pointed out a bar that doesn’t even have a name and they serve, wait for it, bee bee que….. it’s friggin’ bar-bee-que!!! I digress – Lunch, this place served brunch food all day, frankly that kind of stuff deserves a michelin star in my eyes. One of the menu items was Mashed Avo (trendy buggers) but I was super hungry (standard) so I asked them to chuck two poached eggs on top. Do not be afraid to tailor menu items to suit your mood/requirements.

My point here is this – we all like to eat out. It’s fun, the food is normally better and we don’t have to wash up… However, if eating out is a regular occurrence in your day to day life then don’t kid yourself that three Bodeans (american fat food – it’s awesome) a week is going to lead to a healthy happy lean body. Chicken wings ain’t making no abs. Soz. So, next time you’re staring at the menu or thinking “ah it’s graaaand, I’ll just eat nothing tomorrow” – (Errrrggghhhhhhh – survey says – RUBBISH IDEA). Instead, just tailor it a little. If you’ve been throwing weights around all morning then get the sourdough toast. If you haven’t then have an omelette. If it’s lunch time and you didn’t walk to work (tsk tsk) then have a salad, if you sprinted up and down the stairs on the northern line twenty times then have the salad that’s got sweet potato. See where I’m going with this?

Anyway, that’s enough for now. Here’s a picture of my lunch. INSTAGRAAAAM!

Much love, C xx

Well, talk about throwing a 180 on yesterdays quote source! I have somehow managed to go from the family friendly Hook to Vladimir Lenin, Russian communist revolutionary, y’know – as you do..

Fitness industry though, blergh, I hate that phrase. I read a book recently where the main protagonist (oooh fancy! Ok ok, the main character) had a shovel list of words and phrases. Basically whenever she heard something like “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” or “keep your pecker up” she would respond with shovel list, meaning she would like to bury that word forever so it cannot ever be used again. Pretty mental but also pretty funny. My shovel list? Toning, fitness industry, diet, detox, cleanse, journey, moist (ARGH!!!) and when people say “on route” instead of “en route”.

If you hadn’t already noticed, I tend to write on my lunch break. Naturally this is after demolishing 40kg of veg and chicken (and I wonder why office romances aren’t happening?). Another thing I tend to do during my lunch break is read various websites to see what’s happening with food and training outside my own little bubble of “knowledge” (I use quotation marking here as I am by no means knowledgeable – let’s go with opinionated?). Hands up who reads the links on Facebook “20 exercises to blast back fat for good” or has picked up copies of Womens Health at the dentist and read through the articles on the best new 5 minute workout to sculpt your abs. (By the way girls – Mens Health = Much better read..)

…….if your hand isn’t in the air then you’re almost definitely lying. I read them aaaaaall the time. The only difference for me is I now know it is physically impossible to “sculpt your abs” with a 5 minute routine. Think about it. That’s just plain mental. It is also a dirty rotten lie. Well – hold on – don’t start trying to sue me. My point is, these magazines and articles are out there and yes, ok, some of them have great articles and advice but the reality is it takes a lot of work to get the bodies the fitness models have.

That chick? With her tan and her (photoshopped by the way) front cover lycra clad arse? She will be on point with her diet every single day. She won’t drink alcohol. She will train every single day. She will repeat this every single day of the year. Truthfully? She is probably bloody boring. My friend told me last December that if I mentioned protein one more time he was going to delete me. Harsh. I was actually quite surprised! As he was a gym aficionado! But he had a point. My body was getting teeny tiny and super lean but all I did was train, count macros, weigh my food and drink water…. #RIOT

So what is the point I am trying to make. Essentially? Do not believe the hype. You will hear people talking about it all the time – “well I did the juice cleanse and it was great”. YEAH?! Well I really DID do the juice cleanse, for 10 days. I lost 11lbs and the vast majority of my sanity and social life. Oh and FYI? The weight you lose? Mostly water…..

The fitness industry loves a new spin on something. They love writing about the new exercise, the new supplement, bla bla bla oh whatever please shut up.

Patience (it was at LEAST 3 months before I saw any real differences), hard work, consistency, good real food, training, sweating, lifting, sweating more, sleeping, resisting the biscuits….. I know it sounds dull – but it’s the truth. However, it is also the truth that it ISN’T dull – not once you find ways to be smart about it. It’s taken me a year. I am stronger, faster, fitter, leaner than ever but most importantly – I am happier and smilier. (Not a word – cry me a river).

I think we will go back to nice cheery topics now – who wants to make some cake this weekend? (Bloody protein cake! Don’t delete me Kris!)

Cxx