Return of the… snack?

How’d ya like THEM apples?! Return of the mac… return of the snack! BOOM! (Kudos to Kate Reddick, Saffa, colleague and all round hero). She came up with that little gem of a title and she didn’t even know about my one night of fame (fame…. not stand – you can uncover your eyes now mum) with Mr Morrison (for gods sake… if you don’t know who Mark Morrison is then you won’t know the song and basically this is all wasted on you).

Read a good article this morning folks! Actually it wasn’t good. It was bloody awful but hey ho. Why was it awful? Well, firstly I only actually managed to read the title of the article over the shoulder of my fellow commuter. She didn’t seem to mind. But then she turned the page and I had to hunt around for another copy of the Metro so that I could get a photo of this article for you guys. Fortunately I was in luck! *tap tap on another shoulder* – “excuse me, sorry sorry, can you pass me that newspaper?? Thanks so much” IGNORE FOR REST OF JOURNEY. But success! Article was mine. Check this out….

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Man alive! Scarier than the spider living in Erin’s bedroom! (jokes Erin, it’s in the sleeve of your jacket in the hall – mwah ha haaaa). Seriously though – how alarming is that? Fruit is healthy so why on earth are they saying we’d be better off eating Haribo?! Well – it’s like my Mum told me when I was little – “fruit juice is silly – I’d rather eat 5 apples”. Ha! Woman after my own heart. But there is truth in Mrs Mac’s words. It’s all well and good choosing healthy versions of fruit/veg but where do we draw the line? No one in their right mind would eat 5 apples on the trot but we will gulp down 250ml of juice without batting an eyelid.

I remember on a show called “Secret Eaters” – man I love that show – they covered vegetables in chocolate and tested it on the public to see if they preferred it. They didn’t. Shocker huh?! Why must we try and make everything taste sweet? Or add fat to it? You should have seen my face a few weeks back when I actually read the back cover of these:

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Now a little game…. hands up who thinks these are just dried little cranberries? Well you are WRONG – dunce hat in the corner for you! And me! Look at this abomination!

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GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!! There is more sugar than fruit! These are from Holland & Barrett – I tell you it was like finding my husband (fictional) in bed with another woman! I physically launched them into the bin. I realise this may seem extreme but hear me out. Food products in the health industry are scary things. Take for example cereal bars. A well known cereal bar actually has more calories and fat than a Mars Bar. Now to be fair, nutritionally it may be marginally better for you, but if you are trying to stay/get lean then these bad boys ain’t gonna’ help ya’.

(Quick intermission to shout out to the marathon runners and endurance training folks of the world – high sugar content can be very beneficial, I was taught this by the gospel guru. Why is it useful? Ask him!)

Back to the article now that my eyebrows have come back down to a reasonable level on my face. Sugar is often seen as the beelzebub (what a word!) of the nutritional world. With good reason for most part too, just look at those stats! It’s damn hard to maintain svelte and lean when these b******s are telling us their products are healthy! LIARS!

So – my favourite little following flock, step awaaaaaaaaay from the cereal bars. Burn your fruit roll ups and drown your dried cranberries with that “Innocent” smoothie. Rid yourself of this nonsense and follow me into a world of fruity, lean, proteiny substantial snacking. No more will we be enticed by these organic shrivelled agave syrup doused monstrosities. No no. We will have whole foods and we will have rockin’ bodies and we will say “no thanks!” to that sugar industry multi billion willion conglomeration….. (I fear I am going awry here with the use of the English language but it feels good).

SNACKS! What do we eat?! Loads! That’s what! Maybe not in quanitity but in terms of options there are loooooooads. My personal favourites? Dum dum dum dummmmmm (that’s meant to be a trumpet announcement type thing). Here’s some pictures with some friggin’ lovely little explanations….

All sweet snacks today I’m afraid but stop crying over there crisp lovers… I will come up with some other options for you salty seadogs asap.

As always, lots of love, big hugs all round now that my muscles have forgiven me…

C xxx

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Get your carrot peeler and use it to make cucumber ribbons, pint glass, water, ice – noice. Fresh papaya – like being abroad, except I eat it in Camden
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Blueberries with raw cashew – fats, fibre, surprisingly nice combo
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Protein banana bread! Better than Mary Berrys lame-oh attempt. I’ll get the recipe written up asap and pop it on instagram. No added sugar, probably fine for kids, grand. (On ze left we have a chocolate version)
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My hand! Holding the banana bread! How lovely! (nice bake though right? #pro)
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More berries – this time at 4pm in the office because I was ready to put the keyboard between two slices of bread and eat that…. Popped over the road to Waitrose (#snob), packet of berries and a tub of 0% Total Greek Yoghurt for the proteiny fullness. We like berries because you get to eat LOADS with less sugar/kcals
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….however, if you are like me, a 2/3 full 500g tub sitting in the work fridge will not be divided up into normal portions. SMASHED THE WHOLE THING WITH MORE BLUEBERRIES. ….better than a fruit roll up though. I’ll be full till – well…. a while…
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Return of the… snack?

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