The naughty step is for children…

Friday – everyone makes a massive deal about Fridays don’t they? I raise my hand and admit that for the sake of a social media “hashtag” (ooooh instagram!!! Squeal! HASHTAG! – kill me now) I will throw in a “Friday feeling” or whatever now and again but in reality when Cadburys stopped screaming “I’m so excited” about their Crunchie Friday Feeling I stopped having much interest in “oh my god it’s Friiiiiiiday” stuff. Also it’s nearly 10pm and I am writing this – that sums up how hard I am partying. In reality I am typing this with one hand on my iiiiiiphone (posh accent) whilst simultaneously launching a ping pong ball into a red cup filled with Fosters. SCORE.

……not strictly true

However the lack of Friday night beer pong hasn’t prevented this week from being awesome. I laughed so much at work one day someone shooshed me. They soon regretted it when I looked up from snorting quark (wait till I show you my masterpiece with this stuff… in the meantime for future reference – quark is like a cross between greek yoghurt and cream cheese – no fat, boatloads of protein – immense) out of my nose and scowled at them. Death stare to the face. Have some of that. I will not be shooshed. This text message is very funny. Pipe down over there. Anyway, I met my lovely friend Tali today. Remember Tali? My osteopath? Well we went for lunch in Clapham (roasted cod with lentils and pesto and some kind of “wilted”green – the waitress also wilted when I death stared her for taking too long to bring my food over. It’s been 9 minutes! Hurry up!). After a surprisingly lush (gah! more Geordie! SQUASH IT DOWN! I AM IN THE SOUTH!) lunch where I only stole 7, no wait…. 9 – ok ok probably closer to 23 – of Tali’s chips, we decided it was imperative we go and get ice cream from the snazzy place along the road.

Ice cream is naughty. Isn’t it? Ooooooh so naughty. Cat you’re so naughty. How can you eat that and blog(shovel list) about being healthy? Oh take your bee pollen (that’s a thing now – it’s rank) and your spirulina and jog on you nerd. Ice cream isn’t naughty. It’s frozen dairy with built in happiness of the mouth. Ice cream 6 days a week is pretty bad I admit, but ice cream on a Friday (hashtag Friday! squeal!) isn’t naughty. Especially when you went to the gym in the morning and trained so hard you had sweat dripping off your face onto your clenched fists whilst planking the bench to death (try it, it’s nails, put your toes on a raised surface, your forearms on the floor and if you’re really brave lift one foot up whilst keeping your hips level – does that make any sense? If not I was challenged today to provide video proof that I can do unassisted tricep dips, may as well throw in some weird planking too)

Don’t be that girl going into work on Monday and whining that you were so naaaaughty all weekend. Toughen up chica. The hardest part for me, even now, is self restraint. Basically because I don’t have it. However, if you are able to practice some form of level headedness (crikey the english language is taking a real battering today isn’t it – headedness I ask you). S-E-L-F-C-O-N-T-R-O-L. Much better. Don’t smash the biscuits and the wine all week. THAT is pretty naughty. (ooh you bad thing). Instead, try and keep it simple. Get your food prepped for work. Get the tupperware in the dishwasher and get your breakfast and lunch sorted for work. Don’t even try and tell me you don’t have time. I will literally time how long it takes to cook some chicken and chop some salad stuff and throw it in a tub. Do that on Monday, then Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday aaaaand then on Friday have an ice cream. Or if you want ripped abs don’t. Whatever.

Am I being too harsh here? Maybe…. to be honest, at the end of the day it comes down to what you want I guess. I overheard a girl the other day saying “yeah so I’m starting this whole new diet… I’ve been told that all my meals should be about meat, fish, veg and fruit… so like basically, even my breakfasts… I knowwww – my whole life is about to change”

………you can imagine my reaction.

If you want to be leaner (we do not do lighter – scales are the work of the devil in my eyes), stronger, look better in your selfies (o.m.g. hashtag selfiiiieeeee!!!) then it’s time to wake up and smell the bacon (meat? for breakfast?!!? MENTAL). Truthfully? It’s not nearly as hard or as scary as you think. Hold my haaaaaand and we can venture into a world of laughing until we are shooshed and rocking our ‘bans and bikinis in the park 365 days a year (who the bloody hell wears a bikini in the park – they need to have a word with themselves)

To finish, I hope I didn’t put a downer on your weekend. Here’s a picture of my ice cream. It was white chocolate and nutella.


C xx


The naughty step is for children…

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