By the beard of Zeus! (Anchorman – hollaaaaaaaa) I am surprised I can even type this…

Ha!

Seriously though – I tried to take my shirt off (calm down in the back) after my run this morning and tears filled my eyes. My shoulders are broken. Or they may as well be. Who want’s to know why?! Or maybe that should be how?? Nobody? Well tough. I’m going to tell you anyway.

So – as we concluded yesterday, I did quite a bit of training over the bank holiday weekend. Good stuff! Smuggysmug! Not really, I have to do a lot of training or I’ll be laughed off the course in Wales come September. Following my mammoth bike ride and S&C (that’s Strength & Conditioning folks) session on Monday I woke up with the fear of God embedded in my stomach yesterday morning. Tuuuuesday traaaaining wiiiiiiith Fraaaaan *lightening bolts and thunder breaks* – dum dum dummmmmmmmmmm. Fran is my Ironman coach. We met him a few “blogs” ago. Remember? Well he is ex special forces. ‘Nuff said. I got to the session and warmed up, nice ten minute row, lovely! Feeling ok we started the session. Now remember, my body was already screaming in pain so just imagine how much worse this was….

• 30 Burpees
• 30 Press ups
• 30 Medicine ball oblique twists
• 30 pull ups (ha – assisted with a band, I’m not Rambo)
• 30 20kg Kettle bell swings
• 120 Lunges
• 30 Jack knifes (feet raised on swiss ball)
• 30 Rolling planks (fore arms raised on swiss ball)
• 30 Shoulder press – starting with 10kg and progressing to 15kg where my left shoulder turned to mashed potato

Not bad huh?! WRONG. It was hell on earth. However, I went home with a big smile on my face. I’m not sure if I have gone into detail about my training “journey” (shovel list) but basically let’s cut a really long story short and say I started training when I was 13, I was the standard cross trainer and cardio devotee, faffed around in the gym with cable machines and namby pamby sit ups for 11 years and started training PROPERLY in March 2014. So, March last year. Can’t do more than 5 real press ups. Can’t do any form of chin up or pull up. Can’t leg press/squat more than 70kg.

Fast forward to this weekend just passed and I leg pressed 115kg. Now if you are not familiar with weights let me break this down into really easy lingo for you. Firstly, and most importantly, 115kg is really really heavy. Jokes. But it’s my personal best! If you consider I am 5ft 7″ and weigh around 68kg (that’s around 10st 6lbs – yes really, this is what happens when you stop focusing on weight, you don’t care about the numbers and instead you care about the strength and fitness and jeans fitting level) – so, that’s how much I weigh and that means I am not a million miles away from leg pressing double my own body weight. High five! Anyway, breaking weights into understandable lingo. When you see a workout set up like this:

• 3 sets 10 x 12kg overhead press
• 3 sets pyramid scheme 10 x squat

etc etc etc……… that’s not very easy on the eye. So let’s make it easy.

1. A set is just how many times you will perform this movement. You rest between “sets”. So for example. You will do 3 “sets” of 10 press ups. That means you will do 30 in total. Got it?

2. Reps – short for repetitions (you knew that right?). If you are doing 3 sets of 10 reps you are doing 10 press ups followed by a break, followed by 10 press ups, followed by a break, followed by 10 press ups. Kapeesh?

Now – don’t be confused or overwhelmed by stuff. Keep it real simple. I am a massive fan of body weight training. You will be amazed at the satisfaction you can gain from progression. Can’t do 5 press ups (I’m talking full press ups – with your toes on the floor)? Then start doing them on your knees and KEEP DOING THEM. We call this progress. It feels bloody great. Keep it old school. Learn how to do press ups, plank, dips, chin ups, pull ups. Don’t know how to do them? Get a trainer. Can’t afford a trainer? Email Urban Energie. £11 a week. Food and training. Lean body in a matter of months.(http://www.urbanenergie.com/)

Not a sales pitch. Just passing on the wisdom.

………….and if you REALLY want some inspiration. You know Demi Moore? Seen GI Jane? LAUGH IT UP BOYS. That chick trained her ass off for that part. I know this because I damn well googled it! (http://www.popworkouts.com/demi-moore-workout-gi-jane/)

So…. how do you do a press up. Easy. Think a plank, on your hands and toes, straight body, pull your belly button into your spine, dip from the chest NOT the hips. Lower to a 90 degree angle on your elbows, press back up. Kate (colleague) want’s me to do a Vlog. A what? A bloody video blog. No thanks. However, I did get the lovely Andy to film me doing body weight tricep dips on Monday. My facial expressions mean I will be refilming this at some stage. Ha. Vanity rocks. So – press ups and dips. I’ll get some filmed and get them on Instagram. For now, here is a still of me doing body weight dips. Don’t you dare laugh…..

As always, much lov – ow, no, get off me, my body is too sore.

C xxxx