Under the sea (la la la la)

First thing’s first – I’m writing this on my iPhone – Lord only knows how this will turn out. As you may or may not be aware, I am on “holiday” in the Outer Hebrides aka. The middle of nowhere. The only reason I can even write this is because we had satellite wifi fitted to the house today. That’s right – SPACE INTERNET. 

…this is bad – my thumb is hurting already and bloody hell someone is facettiming me! Are you insane? I’ve got no make up on and I’m in bed! Mad.

Ok, let’s talk about something more interesting. Do you like my title? I doubt the boys will know what I’m on about. You gurls do though (spelled incorrectly on purpose thanks very much). I bloody loved The Little Mermaid when I was little. I used to sit in the bath and sing the “ahhaaahhaaahaaaaa” and pretend to be Ariel. Totes rocked it. Obvs. 


ME – fact
Anyhoooo – first open water swim(s) this week! “Oh my god it’ll be freezing” etc etc. Well actually it wasn’t too bad. Don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t exactly a nice Mediterranean bath but it was better than expected. 


#pro (prior to underwater screaming at seaweed touching my foot)
Here’s something interesting though. I thought I’d smash the open water swims. Billy big balls wading into the Atlantic. Wasn’t laughing so much when I started swimming though… Heart rate through the roof, anxiety coursing through my veins, short of breath, disorientated… Essentially scared shitless. Did it though! And the next time I did it I was much more relaxed. I even had an underwater laugh at the crab giving it large – look at him! (Seriously this actually happened – TWICE – little badass)


How about you just piss right off Mr Crab
Moral of the story folks – sometimes we think we’re a Disney mermaid and then reality makes us feel shit. Well I say SCREEEW YOOOUU reality – three open water swims done and I high fived a seal on the way out of the waves today (not true – but I was much better). So when reality says you’re not a mermaid just crack on. Don’t let Mr Crab scare you. Laugh right in his “soon to be seafood cocktail” face and get on with it. We can’t be sitting around moping can we? No we can’t. 

My left hand is losing feeling here. Better sit up. 

FOOD! Oh my days all the food. Here’s a showreel of some food I’ve devoured so far. (I may have left out the images of Coors Light and Doritos… Oh and the 7 hobnobs I ate this afternoon, told mum it was 4, sorry mum, awks because she’ll read this in the morning)

Crab claws, soup, cheese, peanut butter, quark with berries, hot chocolate, smoked salmon oatcakes

Decent… And a splendid introduction to my main point here: Holiday Food. 
Hands up who likes holidays? Hands up who likes a drink? Hands up who likes eating out? If your hand isn’t up go and delete me from all modes of communication. You are dead to me. 

Tricky tricky tricky. You work hard, you deserve a break. Correctamundo. WARNING. Do not make the mistake I made last summer. Having trained my butt off for 6 months I came up here and ate everything. Like all the carbs. All day. Result? Came home fat. Cue crying and stress and general misery. It’s a tough one holidays. You want to enjoy yourself but you don’t want to undo everything you’ve instilled back home. 

Mother Macpherson and her wisdomness to the rescue (definitely a word – they let anything into the Oxford English Dictionary nowadays eg. Foshizzle – get a grip queenie). So, driving along the other day (I was driving dads Audi – brrrroooommmmm) and I’m talking to Mum about food and fitness etc and she comes out with this:

“The trouble is… People see their eating habits at home as a chore. Something they do because they have to. Then they go on holiday with the mindset they’ll take a break from healthy eating/living”

 Take a bloody bow Maz… She’s hit the nail right on its bonny wee piña colada and free canapés head. This is exactly it.

My name is Cat and I like treats. Hiiiii Cat. Welcome to the club y’all. 

So! How do we enjoy our breaks and come home looking tanned and thexy (sexy with a lisp) instead of burnt and Jabba-esque. Well for the burnt part that’s easy. Holiday in Scotland. Sorted. 

The thexy bodaaaay part. I TRY and do something like this (mother is laughing her head off because she witnessed me eating a Kilimanjaro sized plate of dinner earlier – I WAS HUNGRY AND I AM TRAINING!!!) Ahem, not training for an Ironman? 

  • Stay awaaaaay from the buffet. I mean obviously don’t. But seriously, the unlimited pastries are not your friend. Not even on holiday. Get the fruit and yoghurt or scrambled eggs in instead. Trust me you’ll feel better for it by the pool.


  • Try and do something vaguely active. CLOSE YOUR EYES MUM. Look, if you’re on holiday with a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife do some early morning fasted cardio. *cough* I’ll leave it there. Alternatively if you’re a member of the singles club (“Hiiii Cat”) then swim for half an hour, go for a walk, do some press ups. Yeah you’re on holiday. It’s 30-40 minutes out of a 9 hour sunbathing-athon. SERIOUSLY.
  • Be smart(er) with the booze. If you’re a freak like me and can stand to be sober then great. If not then try and do the gin and slim. You know this already. The piña coladas are seriously going to kick you when you’re down…by the pool.
Ryan, you’re really not helping… just take your shirt off and shut up
  • Don’t starve yourself. Before, during or after. Do it before you’ll get there and binge. Do it during you’ll have a shit holiday. Do it after you’ll do more harm than good. Trust me. I’ve been there. I’ve got all the shirts. 

Alternatively… Go hell for leather, eat and drink everything, do zero exercise and embrace the extra lbs. if you are a generally fit and healthy person you’ll work them off after a few weeks back at home in your usual routine anyway. 

I drank THREE beers tonight – I think the excitement of getting wifi went to my head. #laaaame. However, fasted 45 minute beach run in the morning – heyyyoohhhhh! Oh what’s that? You’re all melting in 36 degree heat? Not even bothered. 


Bloody awful this Scotland lark I tell you…

Home time on Friday! Boooo!! 74 days till Ironman Wales. An effing HUGE congrats to my friends Pierre and Jennifer that completed their first 140.6 Full Ironman’s at the weekend. You guys are my heroes.

As always, love hearing from you (unless you’re a crab – then you can piss right off) so shout me and/or share the blog guys. 

Bye from me and my new mates… C xxx


Under the sea (la la la la)

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