I’ll have the penne arrabiatta…

Sunshine = happiness

Happiness = SUPER RIDICULOUSLY CHEERY UPBEAT BLOG

Heyoooooooooooooo! How is everyone? You? Good? Over there in the back? You good?! Awesome. Check out this weather! Laaaaaaaaaaaaa – Bill Withers is a happy happy guy today – there’s boatloads of sunshine!

Cat what is that title? Oh right yeah sorry… who’s seen the youtube video of the Lego men with Eddie Izzard? If you haven’t then I implore you to watch it. Right now. Here is the link. Bloody Penne Arrabiata – pasta is the food of the devil! Naaat…. pasta is awesome if you’ve done ten rounds of HIIT and you’re carb loading for your long run in the morning – oh yeeeah.

penne
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

Now whilst the others brush up on their comedy let’s talk about food. Again! I’m going for dinner tonight to my oldest friends house. We met her already, I don’t remember why, but we did. Oh yes now I remember! Green eggs and sourdough! Jess Best – East London hipster that makes me go to bars with no street signs. So, Jess has invited me for dinner, lovely! Our conversation goes like this:

123

……this girl is a legend. Not ONLY does she invite me for dinner and laugh at my rubbish jokes and woeful tales of horrendous dating but she also caters to my ever changing requirements for vegetables versus entire carrot cakes. So, as we can see, tonight we will be having a delightful feast of curly wurly veg and some kind of salmon thingy. Lovely!

Hands up who regularly starts the week or the day or the night out with brilliant intentions of eating white fish and steamed veg or avoiding carbs or avoiding booze or not eating any chocolate or fitting into their spray on jeans for their night out in 5 days? *my hand is up*. But trust me gang – it’s a laaaaaaaame way to live. Instead focus on the long term. Think about making nice tasting choices as opposed to taking out a restraining order on all things processed or potentially threatening to your burgeoning six pack. You don’t have to be billy no mates to be lean. Promise.

I had more Facebook affection this week! Boat loads of it! I couldn’t get my head in the lift this morning – jokes – I never take the lift, stairs for our derrieres….. BOOM! How about that for some rhyming! Where’s my GCSE English Language teacher. Check that out!  *ahem* moving on… I got this message:

Can you read that? It's kinda small huh?
Can you read that? It’s kinda small huh?

So, I get asked questions like this A LOT. What can you eat when the foods on offer are either rubbish or non-existent. Well, let me share a little list with you. I compiled this list last year when I was super focused on my macros and what I was doing with carb cycling and training (another lifetime – once I have done the Ironman I will do lots of posts about stuff like that. Kris will be thrilled, he loves it when I talk about protein shakes and reps for Jesus – naaaaaaaaat)

An example of what I was eating last year when I was at my leanest
An example of what I was eating last year when I was at my leanest

Now granted, a number of these require recipes and guess what?! I know someone that has a recipe book! The first person to guess who wrote it wins a cooking session with moi. That’s an amazing prize. You’d get all my witty chitter chatter face to face!

….ok so the competition thing isn’t going to work, here are the details – http://www.urbanenergiefitness.com/the-get-lean-recipe-book/

Back to the important stuff. Portable foods that aren’t dust…. “dust? dust anyone?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zbQAPAcefc FYI - I don't think anyone is fat here - but I do think this is bloody funny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zbQAPAcefc
FYI – I don’t think anyone is fat here – but I do think this is bloody funny

No dust for me thank you very much! Ben, let’s focus on you for a moment, if you want a meal that is going to give your body some solid nutrition whilst removing the requirement for microwaved chemicals then I can thoroughly recommend oats. With protein powder. And some fruit. You’re an active guy so get stuck in. The oats are going to provide you with slow releasing carbs and the protein is going to make you big and strong. OR skip the protein and make it with milk. You don’t even need heat! If you put the oats in a bowl or Tupperware box the night before and just cover them with milk then they will go all lovely and bircher muesli-ish. In the morning you throw in as much fruit as you can get, maybe some dried fruit, you daredevil! (Legal clause – I am not a professional, do not take my advice as gospel, it is just an idea, mmmkay?)

Snacks – nuts. That’s all I need to say. Not bloody dry roasted. I’m talking about raw nuts. Like almonds or cashews or pretty much whichever ones you prefer. There’s waaaay too many reasons to get on the nut wagon but they are portable, don’t need refrigerating and you can have them with very dark chocolate (I go 90% – brave girl) if you want something slightly more exciting.

I was going to talk about gluten and how ridiculously out of hand the whole gluten intolerance, not eating bread trend has become but I am pushing the limit for your attention spans so I will save that for another day. As a heads up though – YES I know some people are actually intolerant but if you are not and you are avoiding real bread for no other reason then get ready to hear the phrase “you are missing the wood for the trees” – that phrase has been branded into my head with a bloody hot poker. Kind of. It’s more that I’ve been yelled at loads to understand it is the foundations of your diet that make the biggest differences not the ridiculous gluten free baking powder you picked up in Wholefoods (yar I totes did that..) The next person to tell me they haven’t been to the doctor to have blood tests but they are gluten intolerant will be met with – “OF COURSE YOU BLOODY BLOAT IF YOU SMASH AN ENTIRE FAMILY SIZED WHITE BAGUETTE BEFORE YOUR PIZZA!!”

Wooooossaaaaaaaa…… calm

Shall we have another meme? I love a meme. (meeeem? meemee? meh)

News flash - some smoothies have more sugar than a can of coke. Remember that...
News flash – some smoothies have more sugar than a can of coke. Remember that…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalrighty then (little bit of Ace for you there)…

Get out in the sun and get that Vitamin D gang. I’ve got a night out to prepare for and there ain’t no way I’m getting these “abs” out in my short white shirt if I ain’t got a tan.

Ciao for now

C xxx

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I’ll have the penne arrabiatta…

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