FIRST THINGS FIRST! I FOUND MY MOJO!!! IT WAS HIDING UNDER THE SOFA PLAYING WITH THE DEAD FLIES. LITTLE TINKER.
Now onto the actual topic – Who the bloody hell is Violet Beauregarde? Man alive that took me about 8 minutes to type her surname. Why couldn’t I pick an easier brat to talk about.
HAPPY MONDAY EVERYBODY!
It is a bloody great day today. It’s raining. I’m in the office. I feel quite fat. I stuffed my face yesterday. I couldn’t walk to work this morning because it was raining. My boss yelled at me and told me I could be sacked for something I didn’t do.
I’m not even joking. Nothing is ruining my mood today. I had an awesome Sunday. If you don’t follow me on Instagram or aren’t friends with me on Facebook then you should be. Add me – whine whine desperate desperate. https://www.facebook.com/catriona.macpherson.5
Back to Violet. Why is she here? Here is why. Do you know how many times a day I hear or read this phrase? “Quickest/fastest/best/results/holiday shape up/bikini body – HOW?”
Ok so maybe it isn’t written in that EXACT way but it is close enough and you get what I am on about yes? We are Generation NOW. Generation impatient. Generation instant. Generation impatient. Generation Violet Beaurer-oh I give up. Seriously! We want to be in shape or healthier or fitter or faster RIGHT.BLOODY.NOW. I am mega guilty of this too. I was thinking about this yesterday. I remember my friend Neil Lytollis (people of the North East – ask me for his details – ridiculously good PT) shouting at me last year. “You spent 26 years putting that fat on Cat – you can’t expect to lose it all in a few months”. Bloody wise git. Shut up Neil. Sadly though, he is dead right.
Holiday in a few weeks? Want to shape up? Don’t be bloody mental. Crash dieting will cause more harm than good and we really need to try and get past this “but I need to look good for this event” mentality. Firstly, you are lush (hey there Geordie speak) as you are but if you want to get in better shape etc than that is awesome – just do it the right way. Secondly, if I have learnt nothing else over the past couple of years it is that training and nutrition are seriously, 100%, not telling you bullshit, really being honest – ABOUT LIFE LONG CHANGES.
Anyway, we have talked about this before. But I thought I would go into a bit more detail because I know it affects everyone. Like everyone everyone. If this applies to you then try and remember it all year round. If you want to look good in a bikini then that’s fine. Who doesn’t?! Oh sorry boys, you want to look good in you speedos too, I know, don’t worry. An ex-boyfriend said to me this morning “oh my god you have made massive progress” – jog on pumpkin… there’s a reason you’re an ex. Also, I do not have abs all the time. SERIOUSLY. And when I DO have abs it’s because I have deliberately manipulated my training and diet to make them look better. And guess what? It took ages to learn what this entails (Urban Energie link at the top if you want to learn – tell him I sent you please). Don’t get disheartened. Just try and be patient. Just like Take That said…. (bloody great song – actually it’s not, it’s rubbish, but I still love TT).
So! Lot’s more positivity over the weekend! All you lushy folk getting on the Whatsapp to say you love the blog or verbally kicking me up the backside to get on with my training (Special thanks to Lucy Wheeler, Lucy (Allforthesakeofcake), Abi (afloralcrown), Jack Braniff, Jack Parker and Beth Rodgers). Mojo firmly back in place and ready to smash this week of training. Sometimes all you need is, wait for ittttttttttttttt, PATIENCE and a bit of support. Blimey it’s going to turn into a singalong if I’m not careful.
MOVING ON! How sad is this? I’m writing this without inputting any memes in. I am DEAD excited to go and google applicable memes to input once I’ve got the main part of the text written. Tra la la la!
I read a lovely quote last week…
“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
How nice is that?! Can you tell I am in a good mood? It’s TRUE though. Remember my meme with little Jimmy blowing up his mates treehouse? What a little shit. That’s no way to behave. And behaving like Violet beaureblabla isn’t any way to behave either. So I am going to stop being little miss mopey no mojo and I am going back to being little miss positive kick bum at training and eat loads of veg instead. I think that flows quite nicely don’t you? I might change my work email signature to that. See if anyone notices…
Next time you are hating your body and being awful to yourself for not having a six pack for your week in Ibiza just try and take a deep breath and remember it takes time and that is totally ok. Slow progress is good. Means it is likely to last longer.
Oh and remember me talking about summer recipes? Had an awesome lunch today. Who likes Greek salad? Me me me me! Well my Dad doesn’t but he hates goats cheese and cucumber. Weirdo (love you pops). Greek salad is a winner for the following reasons:
- Cucumber is magic. Not like a wand (although that would be hilarious – expelliarmus with the salad essentials – if you don’t know Harry Potter you currently have a very confused look on your face). No but seriously, cucumber, urgh, I just googled health benefits and there are WAY too many to list here. In a nutshell, loads of vitamins, hydrating, filling, low calorie, zero fat.
- Tomatoes are also magic. Similar profile to cucumber but with loads of antioxidant power.
- Feta cheese. Dead strong in flavour so you only need around 50g which means you get yummy cheesy salty lunch with no need for dressing.
- Chicken – We add this for protein which means we stay full. Yay. It also supports our fabulous muscles. Muscles = abs and defined limbs. Win.
- Olives – a few black olives mean more flavour too. Double yay.
That was literally my lunch! Look! Here it is in all it’s salad-dy glory!
- Small changes will have huge long lasting effects. Drink more water, eat less refined crap, go for some walks – all great places to start.
- You cannot force your body into “ripped” shape in a matter of weeks. Calm yourself down and focus on long term changes.
- Try not to stress about what other people are doing or what their progress is. Remember patience and Roald Dahl’s wise words about having nice thoughts and sunshine faces and unicorns and gummy drops and Cat you really need to get a grip today…
- Get some supportive folks around you – this is invaluable.
Oh and one final confession from me. This one is pretty personal so here goes…
….I struggled with eating disorders for the best part of 12 years. It was grim. I won’t go into details but it has taken a DAMN long time to get to where I am now. For the first time in my entire life I looked at my body last night, actually it was my legs in particular. I had just eaten around 3000 (probably closer to 4000) calories after a big training session. I was pleased with myself for getting the session done as I had been dreading it for ages so I treated myself…. a lot. As a result of my feasting I was feeling pretty heavy and pretty “not lean”. Instead of looking at myself and saying “you greedy cow – you’ve undone all your hard work” – I looked at my thighs and thought “bloody good work little legs. You powered that bike for three hours and you’re dead strong. Cheers.”
Might go and have a little moment of smiling now.
Cheers to your little legs (or giant strong legs if you are a man) too.
High five from me. C xx