Uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

That sums up the past week. I may as well sign off and let you guys get on with your fabulous Sunday BBQ’s or walks in the sunshine or daisy chain making or water fights or whatever else you happy people are doing on this glorious summers day.

Can you tell I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself? I have essentially spent the past 26 minutes whatsapping various people and whining about how bored I am. Get a bloody grip Cat. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous.

Shall I update you on why I have been so quiet of late? Well, rewind to Monday last week. I wake up with a pretty horrible ache in my jaw. I get to work, call the dentist and I am seen within 30 minutes (don’t be too impressed – the guy probably paid off his 5* holiday with the amount he charged for that appointment). Seen by dentist aaaaand I have to have a wisdom tooth cut out – but it gets better! I have to have work done RIGHT NOW to relieve some of the pressure on my nervous canal (the bank of nerves that control the feeling in your lower lip, jaw and chin). Cue nitrous oxide and Bach blasted around the surgery. I trip back to the office off my face on laughing gas and promptly declare I am going home. I still manage to eat real food and train though so not all is lost. Thursday rolls around and it is hospital time to have the offending tooth and bone removed. Full day in hospital. Knocked out with general anaesthetic (which I hate more than the average person, I fight anything that tries to control my body – hence why you will hardly ever see me completely shitfaced – sorry Mum, I mean tipsy). Surgery done, mouthful of stitches and sent home with a goody bag of codeine, diclofenac and antibiotics. LOVELY.

So now it is Sunday, bloody hell it’s nearly 7pm and I have spent the last three days on the sofa. Fortunately my lovely friends have amused me with youtube videos, magazines and trips to get frozen yoghurt but now I am alone. AAAAAALL ALONE. I am so bored I may just empty the contents of the fridge and freezer into my mouth and wave goodbye to this cruel world of no training and heightened body fat percentages.

Ok ok maybe I am taking it a little far. It actually feels like I have done nothing but whine of late. The best part is I have tried to force myself to write this blog for the past couple of days. It was only after whining to Mr Braniff that I “couldn’t be bothered” that I realised this was getting out of control and I had to get my act together.

Do you know what is meant to be happening next week? London Triathlon. Olympic distance. This is my practice run for the Ironman IN SIX WEEKS. SIX BLOODY WEEKS. Good god I might just go fall back into my narcoleptic codeine induced haze of napping and pretend it isn’t happening.

Only joking. Everything is going to be fine. This has essentially been my motto for the past 10 months. “You’re doing an Ironman? Oh my god that’s crazy” —- “IT WILL BE FIIIIIIIIIINE”

I actually think this has started to work. It’s like those weird mantra things people write on their mirrors. “You are fabulous”. “Love yourself”. etc etc. You know what? Maybe there is something to it. I am genuinely feeling better already. In fact – I may swap my order of pizza tonight for some marginally healthier sushi. (I cannot bring myself to drink more liquidized broccoli. I just can’t. Please don’t make me)

You know how people say when you fall off the wagon or you hit a brick wall you just have to keep going? Oooh ooh I forgot to mention! Double whammy of crapness last week! Can’t go into details of why exactly but let’s just say I am not quirky. Yeah. Try and decipher that little riddle. What a bloody joke. Anyway, the point is, I have tried my best to be strong minded and positive since last Tuesday when I was sure Chariots of Fire was actually being drilled into my teeth (Nitrous Oxide is fun). (It was playing on the sound system – my dentist is a real joker).

I’ll give you some more perspective here as to how bad I have let things get. You know I say things about drinking lots of water and making an effort to do something etc etc? Well I haven’t drank any water, I haven’t trained (technically I am not allowed to but I could have gone for a walk every day instead of only venturing out when it had the promise of lovely Lizi chatting to me and buying me froyo), I haven’t eaten good clean/wholesome food and I haven’t used my time wisely. It has been rubbish. It has made me doubt myself and my capabilities as an “athlete”. It has seen my abs disappear – probably forever if I don’t stop eating macaroni cheese. It has given me terrible skin – rubbish considering I have a thing about my skin already. But the worst part? IT MEANT I DIDN’T WRITE MY BLOG.

I jest. Sort of. I am trying to work out what my point here is and I am not really sure. I guess I just wanted to update you all about what is happening… If you even care? Everyone likes a bit of drama though don’t they. This is real life though. This is MY life. I have super brilliant highs of training and health and I have days where I have maltesers for breakfast and question what I am about. What I WILL say though is the malteser breakfast days are few and far between and provided my mouth heals properly I plan on being my super positive athletic version of myself for the vast majority of time going forwards.

So – the plan now? I am going to wake up tomorrow and carpe diem the life out of it. I am going to have a solid lean breakfast (mushy food still works better with the stitches so probably scrambled eggs and smoked salmon – I know right? Tough life). I am going to drink 3L of water. I am going to go for a walk. I am going to research transition tips for my triathlon. I am going to stretch and roll some of the tension in my legs. I am going to do my job and smash this PA role to smithereens so much that my boss thinks I am a genetically modified species of assistant. Ok I am getting carried away but sometime it helps.

I slept until 11:30am today. I had to be woken up then too! How mad is that? Amazing what codeine will do to a girl. Enough though I say! ENOUGH! Pass me the lemon slices and the cucumber! We need to get this athlete back to full strength!

Damn you sunshine and your promise of beer gardens and frisbee in the park. I am trying not to sweat into my hoody here on my sofa. Just leave me in peace. I will make use of you tomorrow I promise (when I am not super organising the world of Groupon and running to the bathroom for the twentieth time after drinking so much water).

So, for now, I must go and decide whether I can afford sushi or liquidized broccoli for dinner. Remember folks: sushi isn’t actually that healthy. Beneath those promises of healthy fats in the lovely salmon is a carb bomb of rice and tempura waiting to ruin your workout. Take it from me. The sashimi is dull but it is your friend.

Much love as always. Let’s keep this train rolling.

C xxx